Reader Caution is advised: this is a descriptive narrative of traumatic medical event and miscarriage. "Ouch!" I yelp in pain. The emergency room physician has accidentally pinched my cervix with her tenaculum, shooting an incredible pain throughout my entire body. It has temporarily roused me from the conscious, but semi-dream state I am floating in. … Continue reading The Hemorrhage (Part 1)
Author: JessicaK
Jessica is a Catholic convert. A busy homeschooling mom of four children. She writes about the raw experiences of motherhood, conversion, wrestling with suffering, and the beauty of slowing down and pondering.
Embracing Family
This morning, I awake to the fussing of a feverish child, pushing his knees into my rib cage. Instantly, a wave of nausea overcomes me. I am so familiar with this nausea, and yet, every time it threatens to crumple me. I hadn’t always planned on having this many children. I wasn’t one of those … Continue reading Embracing Family
The Blind Woman
I watch as tendrils of a future spider's home waft through the air, by the hundreds, down towards me. When we moved here, the number of spiders and bugs seemed like a cruelty. It actually used to make me angry. How could a single place on earth be so filled with spiders? It would make … Continue reading The Blind Woman
Messages
In the first grade, I brought home a sheet of paper that my mom raved about. It was the usual first grader-fare: stick figure drawings on the top portion, lazily basking under a long-fingered sun. This masterpiece followed by boxy scrawled letters on the 1-inch red and blue lines below. Mrs. Nunn, a teacher I … Continue reading Messages
Contemplation
The whir of the refrigerator fills the white-walled space with noise. I am sitting alone in our new home, a luxury few and far between at this phase of my life (one filled with small fingerprints echoing throughout my home). From my nestled space on the couch, I witness the green of oak swaying in … Continue reading Contemplation
God in the Garden
It is our second season of learning how to be good plant parents. I grew up surrounded by gardeners. People who, beaming, would dive their teeth into the fresh crisp red of a homegrown tomato, right off of the vine. People who treated their plants as their children, and unfortunately, at times- better. You'd think … Continue reading God in the Garden
Blue Pillar Candle
Tonight we are stuffed into our bed in the usual sardine fashion. This particular night, we are packed into a new arrangement. Sister holds onto small-brother, for the first time in the 9 months since he was born, leaving one of my shoulders free. My body is given a rest from its nightly contortionist act. … Continue reading Blue Pillar Candle
My Year of The Homemaker
I wake up to a deep, familiar ache in my sinuses. This is my new post-covid norm, and while I hope that in a few months, it will no longer be a part of my daily routine, I am trying to keep myself free of worried expectations. I ask my husband to crack open the … Continue reading My Year of The Homemaker
The Car Ride Home
“I’m angry.” My husband says as he explains the recent FDA position statement on the use of anesthesia in kids under 3. “Was the first doctor just so spineless, as to simply capitulate to our concerns, rather than truly explaining these risks?” I hear him, but I’m breathing. I haven’t breathed in 2.5 months. 2.5 … Continue reading The Car Ride Home
The Specialist
Insurance won’t cover our out-of-network imaging orders. But, we’ve managed to get in with a new specialist who is in-network, and with a short turnaround time. Today’s doctor walks in with long hair flowing to the top of her hips. It is wavy, but clearly has had its curls brushed through. She leaves it undetained … Continue reading The Specialist
Jess and The Fiat 